how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
