Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
