its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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