sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
