I'm really into asian looking animals
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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