pop tarts are not kleenex
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
