I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
