I think I am morally bankrupt
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
