if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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