I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
