I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
