why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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