great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
