phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
