I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize