I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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