Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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