I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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