I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
