I faked an abortion last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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