I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
