like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
