this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore