So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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