Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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