I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
