Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
handjob tips. give me some.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
