I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
