The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
