Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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