You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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