the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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