absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
