i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
vagina is talking i cant
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
