Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
