either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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