areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
