New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
