I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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