mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
