I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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