i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
