U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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