my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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