My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
