is your mom at the bar?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
