my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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