i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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