I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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