You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
