Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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