That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
