how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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