mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
