I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
