NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
