I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
