I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
