And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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