So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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