I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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