The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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