the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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