He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
