dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
