he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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