my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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