So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's like heaven, but drunker
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
