i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
